Mystical Happiness

To be surprised by misery in even mystical happiness, to hold that contradiction in mind simultaneously with itself, to balance opposites into one thought—leave this world to its misery, take this world by the hand & hold on. Which do I choose? Both, at once. Acceptance with no judgment, or dismissal in disgust, both one move, a lone action with a hallucinated conception in mind of consequence; time turns around itself, though, leaving any intent to the dust flying scattered through endless air, each mote barely an infinitesimal probability of sticking in my eye, but the myriad blasts of corrupted vision burns with a hundred specks, 99 washed brightly into thick tears, crusting over the edges of almonds, bitter like poison, infecting potentialities endlessly, sleepless I recline, decline peace for uneasy absence of my beautiful beloved, ill & sleeping, shaken & exhausted. Such an early day, a long journey, sorrow & bitter regret for not being there, even in a month of moments separate. Four weeks from today we'll be married, together for life. I am the luckiest man on the planet, my true love finally in my arms again, & she loves me! When I left the bitterness behind, I let god in, & god loves me! Grants me life from death, recovery from addiction, knowledge from ignorance, love from betrayal, loneliness, soul-searching, isolation, songs bellowing in a bitter cold summer night's furious heat. I left the strumming guitars in the cafes of doubt, sang nothing into nothing, so a thin, torpid frustration dropped me into a groove that carried me in runoff to this lake of infinite raindrops, collected from time's journey, billions of years leading here, billions of years after our love endures, eternal as truth, full of her beauty, every curve, crease, step, word, flash of eyes in any light brilliant with the glow of ancient suns, unborn moons, evolving goddesses who flip worlds like pancakes & devour them with strawberry galaxies, syrups of infinite gravity, fork of her piercing intellect cuts my soul into bite size pieces of delight in nourishing her eternally, living her belly, cheeks, shoulders, may I hold her forever, a billion years after death, an embrace that transcends time, supernova recollecting her origin, creating our love and recreating our bodies in atoms immortal, bursting together, apart, never separate once touching, that rush of ecstasy she fills me, creates me, teaches me to be me, teaches me who she is, and so who god is.